Brooks' Birth Story

Well... I am back! It has been almost a year that I have sat down to write a blog post. I miss writing but just can not find the time anymore. I was inspired yesterday by a friend who wrote the birth story of her little girl. I have been wanting to get this down but reliving it in my head has just been too painful! I solely am writing this for the memory for me to share with my children one day and for other women who enjoy reading birth stories. When I was preparing for Brooks arrival it helped me a lot to read other women's journies of pregnancy and birth. I was 40 weeks and 1 day pregnant & we were totally convinced Brooks would not come on his own. I was 5-6 cm dilated, had my membranes stripped, and fully effaced. You see...Brooks was doing the same thing my little Copelyn did; he did not want to engage at all. We made the decision that on November 20 my doctor would break my water and we would go from there. Well little Brooks had a different plan. On November 18th I got up and ate at Waffle house with Scott & Copelyn. Then I came home and laid on the couch with Copelyn until about 4. My friend Kristina and I met for a run around 4:30 and this is when it all started! We ran 3 miles and during the run I had 3 different contractions. I did not think anything of it because I had been having contractions for 2 weeks now! I complained the whole run (sorry Kristina!) because I just wanted to be in labor and have the most natural experience as possible. I had been on my knees for 9 months praying for this! I came home and ate dinner thanks to my sweet friend Jodi! She made us delicious, spicy enchiladas and I attribute this to throwing me into labor! I went upstairs & got in the shower. My contractions were immediately 5 minutes a part but they weren't painful. I could talk and walk. I got dressed, did my hair & make-up (because by golly I wasn't meeting Brooks looking ugly!) and came downstairs. At this point it was 7pm & my contractions were 2 minutes a part & my doctor & Scott were ready for me to go the hospital. Of course, I didn't listen. I had this fear that I was going to get there and I would have not progressed anymore. So for another hour Copelyn and I walked laps around the house over and over again! Scott was losing patience with my stubbornness & finally said "Lauren we are going to the hospital!" Take into account we still had Copelyn at this point and still needed to get her to Mrs Debbie. I told Scott I wasn't leaving the house! I could still walk and talk even though my contractions were two minutes a part!!! Finally, after much convincing & a little argument (which included me crying & telling Scott he wasn't going to see Brooks born haha!) I got in the car! It was 8:30 pm at this point. We called Mrs. Debbie with pretty much no warning (I was in denial that I was in labor). Poor Mrs. Debbie was in the middle of coloring her hair and had to jump in the shower to wash it off! Oops sorry about that Mrs. Debbie! We got to the hospital at 9pm and Scott dropped me off at the door while he waited in the car with Copelyn until Mrs. Debbie got there. They got me all checked in and got me to my room. It just happened to be a full moon and the busiest night they had had in a while in L & D. I had a lot of anxiety because Brooks picked the one night my doctor/friend could not come in and deliver me so I was going to have to do it without her! That alone made me so fearful! Thankfully she text me throughout the night to check on me because she is absolutely the best and got me a great nurse who totally supported me with a natural childbirth! I could not have done it without her! When they checked me I was 7cm!!! That totally excited me and I could wrap my mind around that I only had 3 more cm to go! I did not want to be hooked up to an IV and I wanted to walk around. My nurse had so many cool ideas to help me throughout the night! They let me walk from 9-10:30pm! My mother in law & sister in law got there around 10 & they were such a big help! At 10:30 they checked me again and I was at 8 cm. Up until this point the pain was totally bearable. I was even doing squats and smiling away! I had my breathing down and was listening to my worship music. But whewy that transition phase is no joke! I apologize to anyone who was having a baby that night because apparantly I could be heard through the double doors! When I hit 9 cm the pain got intense and I couldn't get comfortable. The most comfortable position was on the floor on my knees or on the birthing ball. My team (My nurse, Scott, Denise, and Nikki) were amazing! They rubbed my back, talked me through it & helped me so much. At one point I begged for the epidural & my nurse said "I am not trying to be mean honey but you are too late for that!" haha! I'll spare you some details! As the doctor was walking in my water broke all over the floor. Talk about a mess! It just kept on coming! They finally needed me on the bed to deliver this baby! This was hard and painful for me because I did not feel comfortable on the bed! I can see why most women want to squat. Pushing was the best part for me! The contractions were the worst part for me! I pushed for about 13 minutes and he was here! Born at 12:13 am on November 19. I did not cry like I thought I would. He was so beautiful but all I could think was I just did that WITHOUT any drugs! Give me a hamburger!!! I am not against doing birth with an epidural because I had one that was not very effective with Copelyn & I cannot honestly say that I would do it natural again right now at this moment. But I can say I did it & survived! My recovery was so much more easier doing it this way! I loved that as soon as he was born I could get up and walk around. I felt more awake and the adrenaline rush you get is great! I did not get that amazing feeling though that some women describe after delivering natural! I totally think natural birth is amazing! This is just my story though! And I hope someone can use it to help them!

2 years...God is Faithful!

I remember February 4, 2011 like it was yesterday. Those that are close to us probably would say it was very hard to watch Scott & I go through such pain. I remember this day for two reasons 1. I want to celebrate a beautiful life that was being made inside of me 2. I want women to know they are not alone & they don't have to deal with miscarriage/loss of a baby/infertility alone AND 3. God is faithful and always at work! From the moment we had our miscarriage on Feb 4; God was present. This is true for any struggle you are going through. For any of you who have gotten a positive pregnancy test you understand you instantly fall in love with that little baby inside of you. Scott and I had three months to fall in love with our first little babe before it was taken away on Feb 4 but those three months were wonderful, and joyful & when I get to heaven I can not wait to meet that little one. Feb 4, 2011 remains a blur to me (thankfully) but luckily I still have memories of the most beautiful people pulling together for us that day. I can remember the minute our family and friends got the call; it did not matter what they were doing they dropped it all to be there. I can remember our family gathering in our bedroom after we were home praying over us. I can remember the beautiful arrangements of flowers that were sent to us (our whole kitchen was full!). And I can remember God's presence fully as he began to heal us. The truth is if we didn't go through struggle we as humans would stray from God. He loves us enough to give us troubles so we can lean hard into him. He gives us relationships as well at just the right time when he knows we need it most. For instance, five years ago we met The McKnights. The McKnights are such an awesome couple! Trey is a fire fighter and worship leader. Jamie has a beautiful voice as well and she is a wonderful stay at home mommy to their new precious baby Mason. We instantly formed a connection with this sweet couple and have been a part of two different small groups with them in the past few years. God knew what he was doing all along when he crossed our path with the McKnights. We miscarried February 2011; the McKnights had a miscarriage January 2012. We were able to minister to them through such a tough time and now looking back it is clear and evident God orchestrated this relationship because he knew we would need each other! I am providing the link to Jamie & Trey's story http://treysmack.wordpress.com/2012/08/02/77/ Scott and I now have our precious Copelyn. God could not have delivered a more perfect gift to us. She is a ball of sunshine in our lives. Always laughing, always smiling. She is the image of God's redemption in our lives. And even cooler God gave us Copelyn 1 year later almost to the day that we had our miscarriage. One hard lesson I had to learn was God gives us suffering so you can later share him. I had to realize what this season was for and realize this was my story that I had to share to help others who go through the same things! I had to trust that God was bigger then anything I could ever long for and he knows what is best for me. God knows the desires of each of our hearts! Let me be clear though just because we now have our sweet, perfect Copelyn that doesn't mean we don't still feel the pain or remember that time in our life. It is still in our hearts. We may not talk about it as often but it is still there and very real. We recently shared our stories with our small group. We started from the beginning of our lives to present. Scott told our story of the miscarriage. My strong husband still tears up when he talks about it. As he told the story he just cried! Oh it broke my heart because I know to revisit that time in our life is painful. But the truth is we are both so thankful for that time in our life. We are stronger in our marriage, we are stronger in our faith, and we are able to appreciate the miracle of our little girl so much more! Whatever the struggle in your life is right now please know that God loves you. Please know that God will see you through your struggle. Lean hard into him, pray, and ask for healing. "But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8: 37-39

10 months/11 months/Merry Christmas/ Happy New Year

Yes, I am way late writing this. I have sat down four different times since Copelyn has turned 10 months trying to write but something ends up happening and I haven't been able to finish. So here goes nothing for our 10 month/11 month/Merry Christmas/ Happy New Years Blog! Copelyn is such a busy, sweet bee! She is everywhere. She has taken a few steps here and there but hasn't taken the initiative to actually walk yet which I am totally ok with! It makes my heart hurt each milestone we hit because she is growing so fast! She is sleeping pretty well from about 8:30pm to about 3am & then 3:30am to about 8am. She is an awesome eater and loves everything we put in her mouth especially anything sweet! This child has quite the sweet tooth. If she sees frozen yogurt from across the room she will come crawling and open her mouth like a puppy dog until you give her some. Her favorite new words are "wow", "tree", "Scott" (Scott doesn't like this a bit lol), "pretty", and "MOMMA!!!" (finally!) She has such a spirit for Christmas. Every decoration she sees she points it out and says "wow". Over the past two months she has given her daddy and I a run for our money & some semi heart attack moments! One day Scott ran out to get the mail and left the baby gate cracked just a tad. He came back in and Copelyn was sitting on the top step waving and laughing. Praise Jesus she did not fall! Scott and I both had to sit for a minute and re-cooperate. Then this past week I had put Copelyn in our bed to sleep because she had a stomach bug. She fell asleep in between us with pillows around her. Well, around 3:30 am we heard a loud thump. The loud thump was enough for both Scott and I to spring out of bed. Poor Copelyn fell out of the bed onto her stomach. Praise Jesus for protecting her yet again! Of course I got dressed and was ready to proceed to the ER but Scott told me to call the on call doctor first which I decided to do. The doctor reassured me I wasn't an awful mother and she gets calls like this all the time! Whew! So for now Copelyn is wrapped in bubble wrap with a helmet on at all times haha! I wish! Scott would definitely think I had gone loco if I did that! We battled RSV, ear infection, and the stomach flu this past month but our Christmas was so wonderful! Copelyn was so much fun to watch and we got such enjoyment surprising her! Her favorite toy is her cozy coupe. She hasn't figured out how to open the door yet so she just dives in head first to get into the car haha! My little daring child! New Years was nice and quiet for us. My family was visiting and we just celebrated mildly! As far as New Year Resolutions let's see. I would like to work on being less fearful. This is something I definitely struggle with and I am not proud of. I get so upset about the things happening around the world and find myself obsessed. The only answer I have is this world needs more Jesus. I fear raising my children and my family in this crazy place! But thank the Lord we have Jesus in our hearts and home because he is ultimately our protector. So for me I will work on trusting God more with my life and being less fearful. As far as mommy resolutions, I hope to be a more fun mom for Copelyn this year. I want to be more crafty and take on fun activities with her even if that means paint gets on the furniture or something gets ruined. Sometimes it is hard for my Type A personality to let loose and let the house get a little messy. I want Copelyn to enjoy a mess if that makes sense. SO here's to a messy house in 2013! I also want to love my husband more intentionally. I always mean to do this but it seems sometimes I forget. Even a simple note that takes 5 seconds to write would make his day! Why don't I take more opportunities to do this!? Lastly, I want to spend more time on my knees in prayer. I pray all the time but I feel like I don't make enough time to come before the Lord bowing in prayer. I have no idea what 2013 will hold for us but I sure hope it holds lots of time together as a family and many more meaningful moments! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas & a Happy New Year! "God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created NEW every morning. How great your faithfulness!! I'm sticking with God. He's all I've got left."(The Message) Lamentations 3:22,23