Big News!!

Rather than tell you the whole story and then tell you our news, I will start with our Big News! Scott and I are expecting a baby, AGAIN! We are 15 weeks pregnant and feel completely humbled, and grateful for the blessing God has placed in our lives.

Let me start from the beginning. June 7, 2011 was the day it all went down. I started blogging on this day and I tried to write once a month to be able to update you all once I shared the news:

July 7, 2011
(This was the day we found out we were pregnant with our RAINBOW baby! For those of you who do not know A RAINBOW baby is the baby after a miscarriage or a loss. It was a normal day. I went to my rotation from 9-5, then ran to LabCorp for a drug test for my next rotation, then I had to go get a full physical and a TB shot at this immediate medical clinic down the road since my doctor’s office could not fit me in for another month! As I was signing the paperwork, it asked me if I was pregnant. I naturally circled NO because that had been the answer the past few months. But then my gut told me to just tell them I wasn’t sure because technically I was a day late for my period. The sweet nurses and doctor decided to do a blood test on me. 20 minutes later they ALL came in the room with a plastic bag that had a huge smiley face on it and the date June 7. They told me I was pregnant! Best news ever! I then took out the test. It did not look positive to me at all. I could barely and I mean barely see two lines. I felt like it was an awful trick! I told the nurses I didn’t believe it and they swore to me it was positive. I sat there shaking for a few minutes. Then asked them to do another test. They were so sweet to me! They did it again without any hesitation! Sure enough it came back same result…looking positive to them…BUT negative to me. I decided to go home at this point (it was now 9:30pm) and just continue to take tests until I could actually believe it myself. I got in my car and immediately called Scott. He was so excited but naturally we both said we would be cautiously hopeful until we get past this first trimester! I am writing this blog entry on June 19. Since June 19 I have taken a total of 15 pregnancy tests! Crazy…right!? Well now I have a very bright pink line! It makes me so hopeful! I have a lot of anxiety now that I did not experience last time we were pregnant. It is hard to enjoy it right now because I have so much fear of losing our sweet baby. I just pray 24/7 for God to protect this baby if it is his will. I find myself placing my hand on my belly and just praying throughout the day everyday. My prayer is Lord please wrap your hands around my babies heart and make it beat strong.) Below is a picture of the bag they made for me at the doctor's office and all 15 tests I took.

Then on July 18 I wrote this:

July 18

(I promised myself I would keep up with writing “secretly” so when I post all of these posts on labor day weekend all my lovely blog readers could see into my first trimester. Well…I have failed pretty badly! Life is so incredibly busy! Between rotations, going to bed at 8:30pm every night, and traveling to see friends I haven’t found the time. I also hesitate to write anything remotely exciting for my fear of losing another baby. Even though I know that fear comes from Satan some days it grabs my heart harder than other days. I have found though when the fear shows up the more I pull out my Bible and just read a loud the quicker it subsides. June 29 we had a doctors appointment…not one that was scheduled…one that was spur of the moment due to cramps. At this point I was only 6 weeks but according to google I should be able to hear a heartbeat. Unfortunately, when we got to the ultrasound there was just a gestational sac and yolk sac…no baby! What a hit in the stomach this was. I was measuring a week behind! They could not tell me if I was sure going to miscarry again or if it would be a healthy baby. So then we took the next step and had blood work drawn three different days. Thankfully, my numbers went from 6800 to 14600 to 46000!!! I have become quite knowledgeable on HCG levels. So based on those numbers the doctors I guess concluded something was growing strongly inside of me. So then we waited….ugh! Waiting is the hardest part but oh boy does it make you lean on God hard and strong! We waited until July 8 when we had our 8 week appointment. I woke up on July 8 and I cried all morning! I was so scared. As Scott and I waited in the doctors office which seemed like an eternity I read my Bible and did not stop until they called my name. I layed on the ultrasound table and closed my eyes tight. One of our sweet nurses came in to hold my hand and I just sat there in constant prayer and did not open my eyes until I heard the good news! Sure enough our little peanut was there on the screen with a strong heart beating away and wiggling around like no tomorrow! Such a relief for my heart! Peanuts heartbeat was beautiful! That is all I watched and I cried as I saw it beat up and down. I love this baby so much already!) Below is a picture of our baby at 8 weeks exactly.

August 9

(Today we had our NT scan. Yes, I know most people opt out of this scan but for us it meant one more ultrasound and that in of itself was totally worth it. We are 13 weeks to the day and the sweet, perfect baby was measuring right on track! It was being a little stubborn and not cooperating so we only really got a back shot. But good news...Baby is healthy!! I can't even describe to you the feeling my heart feels. I find myself on my knees a lot in prayer. Praying for the health of our baby, praying for peace in my heart, and most of all praying that I can become strong in knowing that God is fully in control and I have absolutely NO control. God has really showered blessing over our life even when we were in the strongest storm of our life. He is such a good God.)

Ultrasound at 10 weeks!

Ultrasound at 13 weeks!!

So there is our past three months in a quick nutshell! I can't even describe to you the up and down emotions I have felt these past few months and I still struggle with this daily. I am forever grateful that God gave me a second chance to be a mother on this earth and I am in awe that he adopted our very first child into his beautiful kingdom. If that baby couldn't be here with me then there is no better place for it to be then with Jesus. I know he is taking good care of that baby. Thank you all for praying for us and we ask that you continue to keep those prayers coming. They are greatly appreciated.

Here is a picture of my belly at 15 weeks!