The Gift of Friendship

I was reminded tonight how precious a true friendship really is and what a blessing it is from God. Let me go back four months ago....After we had the miscarriage I guess you could say I handled my grief in a way that most people would not have expected not even my husband. I kept to myself at first and did what I knew best...school. I did not want to talk about it because if I talked about it that meant I had to relive it. We miscarried February 4 and that same week our small group started back up. Week by week would go by and I could just not bring myself to go to small group even though I knew that was what small groups were for and even though I missed them so much & loved them dearly. I can't explain what was going on in me...all I knew was I needed time. I didn't know how much time but I knew for some reason I needed to sit at God's feet on my own for a little while & have intimate talks with just him. About a month after the miscarriage I finally was able to talk to Scott about everything. He waited so patiently for me to come to him because he knew on my own time I would be able to process my thoughts & heart. It is a healing process and as I have learned through this process not many people understand that. I have had people tell me I am not dealing with my grief the right way or not handling the situation the way I should. I even had someone in passing tell me how they would have dealt with losing a baby if they were me. And I kind of just laugh at all this. I dealt with losing our baby (including watching a beating heart go to a flat line on a screen) the way my heart and mind could deal with this loss. If you have never been through a loss of a baby it is hard to understand but that is okay... I used to think if I ever were to have a miscarriage I would just accept it as God's plan and that was that. Even though I do accept it as God's plan now it has taken me a while to fully get there. I did not have a game plan to tackle my struggle. The only plan I had was to lean heavily on God. I honestly got up everyday and just prayed that I could make it through the day without crying or without the image of our baby just laying there. And that was a pretty good accomplishment for me...I got up every day and was able to finish pharmacy school with passing grades. I am pretty proud of myself for that! But trust me I did not do it all on my own. I spent so much time in prayer. If I felt myself about to cry or get down during class I would bow my head & pray. I never stopped praying and for that reason I believe God was literally holding my heart & healing it.

Tonight the image of true friendship was illustrated so vividly to me. I went to dinner with my friend Laura and her boyfriend Brent. I love these two so much...they both love the Lord. Laura is one of those friends that you can call and in a drop of a hat she will be there no matter where, when, or how. Throughout this whole process she has been there but has given me my space. She never once judged me or stopped encouraging! It is such a blessing for friends like these. And God could not have been more good to me by putting her in my life. My prayer is that you have this kind of friend in your life. Someone who never judges, loves you unconditionally, is there no matter the circumstance, encourages you, is selfless,willing to wait with you during difficult times, and most importantly loves the Lord.

The song I posted is a song I played over and over again during my prayer time. Hope you like it.