Its been ONE YEAR

Quite honestly I have dreaded this day for a while now. I know it is just another day but something about the "one year anniversary" that we miscarried our first baby was not a day I wanted to really relive. Oddly enough last night as expected I did not sleep hardly at all. I got up every hour on the hour and finally gave in & just read my Bible until I felt enough peace in my heart to go asleep again. Even though I have dreaded this day, I am so thankful for the obstacles & struggles God has brought us through this past year. It has been a life-changing year. I am a changed woman with a completely renewed heart. I find myself shedding tears almost weekly with the way God has used our story for his glory. Just in the two weeks, I met for lunch with two different women who had miscarried recently. If I would have not gone through our circumstances I would not have been able to help, understand, or love on all the women God has thrown in my path.

My expectations of people have completely changed. I used to be an easily disappointed girl in a lot of my friendships when people didn't meet my expectations. Now I have no expectations of people. I look at every relationship as a gift from God and I try to see the best in that person always. My marriage has completely changed. Before I used to get upset if Scott didn't clean the bathroom up perfectly after shaving, or if he did something that made me mad it used to turn into a fight...Now we hardly ever argue and we just show each other as much love as we can daily. We have a completely different outlook on life now & we don't take a day for granted. Life is so precious & the days are much better spent laughing & smiling as well as taking every situation and seeing it all as God's plan & that he will bring you through.

No... this past year hasn't been easy. There were days I didn't think I could possibly take anymore pain in my heart. But the truth is I made it. Honestly though, it was only because my Lord & Savior pulled me through. It wasn't my husband, or my friendships (yes they helped) BUT it was me surrendering my circumstances fully to Him & letting Him have complete control of the situation. My advice for people going through a similar situation is don't dwell on what could have been rather dwell on what God is going to do through your situation & your life.

We received the biggest blessing of all four months after we miscarried; that is our sweet Baby Copelyn. She is healthy, active, and VERY STUBBORN! Honestly though, it wasn't until I surrendered my circumstances to God that he let my heart smile again & that he blessed us with Copelyn.

My prayer is that whatever life struggle you are going through now that you can lean on God and let him work in you!

Now for a Copelyn update!! She is stubborn as EVER! Yesterday we had my membranes stripped again. I am about 2-2.5 cm dilated, effaced, but my cervix is still posterior. We need EVERYONE praying that this little girl decides to come out before Tuesday! If I am induced on Tuesday my whole birth plan looks like it might go down the drain. I know I could wait for her to just come on her own but unfortunately time is precious for us since I have to go back to my rotation March 19. Establishing a routine with Copelyn is much more important to me than my birth plan at this point. BUT I would love to have my dream birth! We go again on Monday for one more check if little girl doesn't come before then! Thank you so much for all your prayers! Come on Copelyn...Your Mommy and Daddy want to meet you! We will keep you updated:)